It's the things she said after the breakup

Hey guys/gals, just looking to see if anyone has had a similar experience.

I met this girl on tinder about 8 months ago, she was perfect in every way, exactly my type, in the same career field as me which is heavily male dominated and had the exact same interest. We started dating after a little bit of a situationship since it would be her first relationship. The relationship had its ups and downs but we would always get together, identify why she was distant and fix the problem, until 4 days ago. I was off on a work trip when her texting went down to none, so I asked if we were okay, she responded with a couple word answer so I asked if we could talk when we get back.

The day came and I asked her when she came over if she wanted to do it in the house or at a public place with a drink, she elected for the drink. We ended up finding a quite place at a local restaurant and I opened up about her being distant, and these conversations every couple of months were spiking my anxiety. She asked if I wanted her to be honest and I said of course, then the onslaught came, and I'm having trouble forgetting these words.

She said that she doesn't feel the need to hang out with me, and that the initial excitement of hanging out with me had disappeared.

She knew I was falling in love with her and did not feel the same way about me, and the worst.

She told me she was at a bar a couple of weeks ago and a guy hit on her, she didn't do anything being in a relationship but said she had an attraction or crush on him, then admitted that she never did with me. We had never been intimate since it was her first relationship and we were slowly working towards it.

She ended it with how she accidently led me on, because we were so good on paper. I just can't get these thoughts out of my head, the red flags were everywhere especially with her being distant every couple of months, I just thought we could work through it.

A couple weeks ago she was fawning over me and telling me how I was the best partner. I never saw this change coming.

I haven't spoken to her since, blocked her on everything but left the phone unblocked because i have this weird hope she will realize she wants to date me again, even though I probably never could with what she said to me. Now every night i stay up until 4-5am until i exhaust myself, every time I'm about to fall asleep these racing thoughts of what she said when she broke up with me go through my head. Its this weird mix of jealousy, anxiety and sadness. My dad recently passed away, and my mom is mentally ill, my friends are moving out of the town I'm in in droves, so it leaves me totally alone. I'm planning on moving next week since I can change my base of work with the same company to a large city, since I have only ever lived in smaller cities.

Anyway thanks for reading, its good to put this in a post, i think everything combined in my life to create this messed up situation and i would appreciate any words or similar experiences, thanks!