Hope isn't a strategy

Things have been bad for 8-10 months. Constant fighting, arguing. She started talking to someone online and I found out. It never developed into anything more then a distraction but certainly impacted my trust. She's refused to see a councilor until recently. We've both been seeing therapist trying to work on ourselves
I've told her I don't see any way to save things. She is so hostile and angry
We have 2 kids g11 b6, own a home and dog, etc. The thought of tearing it all up is killing me. I feel I need to go talk to a lawyer but that makes the reality closer. How much suffering do u need to absorb to prevent a whole different pain idfk