I saved my boyfriends life this week

Hello rsp.

Not sure why I’m trauma dumping here but here you go.

Sunday night my boyfriend and I went to bed as normal. Said I love you, did our corny nose kisses, and rolled over to sleep. At 3:30am I awoke to him making a horrible choking, snoring sound through his nose. I later learned that this was agonal breathing and that he had gone into cardiac arrest and was all but dead. His eyes were rolled back and he was foaming at the mouth and seizing up. I thought it was a seizure at first.

I grabbed my phone to call 911 and then used my body to help get him onto our floor as he was falling off the bed. I’ll never get the look in his eyes out of my mind. They were glossy and inhuman and he wasn’t there anymore. 911 walked me through CPR and I began chest compressions.

Literally butt ass naked screaming this man’s name. All I can think during this moment is “what is the fucking CPR song from the stupid office episode.” In the midst of this absolute chaos I started singing staying alive with the 911 operator. He told me I would have to unlock my front door and I ran up, grabbed a skirt to put on as a dress, and unlocked the door and immediately ran back to continue compressions.

EMS got in and 2 cops all but carried me into the living room. How the fuck was I supposed to call this man’s parents and tell him their son was dead? I could hear them shocking his heart in our bedroom and I just kept waiting to hear his voice. No one would give me answer other than “they’re working on him.” Aka he’s dead and it’s not looking good.

They finally got him stable enough and put him in the ambulance. My mom drove me to the hospital and myself and his family waited for over an hour not knowing if he was dead or not. It was the longest hour of my life.

He has since been put on ecmo, had an impeller installed, is on dialysis for his failing kidneys, and now has pneumonia and major fluid build up in his lungs. We are taking it a minute at a time but his heart has began to respond to treatment and is recovering. They still have no idea what caused this.

He is 28. He lifts and does cardio multiple times a week, he eats so well, we hike, we sleep great, we take care of ourselves. We went on a hike the afternoon before this happened. He had the most normal day and I awoke to his brain fighting for any last chance of life.

This isn’t my first rodeo in the trauma realm. I’m already going back to EMDR therapy and trying to take care of myself. I feel like a zombie. I miss him so much. The first day in the ER, I started playing stupid fucking Tetris and I can’t wait till he wakes up so I can tell him. We always make fun of the Tetris cure offered to everyone on Reddit. We love this subreddit and usually end our nights debriefing with our favorite posts. I felt compelled to post here.

He was conscious for a few hours the other day. My CPR prevented him from having any brain damage so he is still there cognitively. He mouthed my name through his breathing tube, squeezed my hand, and was laughing at my jokes.

Has anyone ever gone through anything like this before? I feel like I’m in a fucking horror movie. I miss him so much. I hope to god he makes a full recovery. I can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if I didn’t wake up to him? What if he didn’t have agonal breathing? What if I had slept at my mom’s that night? Just so many incremental decisions that would have led to me waking up next to him cold and dead.

I’m currently debating on whether or not I should go back into our home. My mom went over and remade up our bedroom so it’s all clean from the EMS. I’m terrified to go there. I’m terrified to ever sleep next to him again. I love this man to death but where do I even go from here?

And to top it off, hours after I just saved this man’s life, my mother’s DOCTOR bf showed up at the hospital in his MAGA hat preaching about the covid vaccine causing this to his traumatized parents. No, my life is not a sitcom. But it should be. My divorced parents of almost 15 years also took my family out for dinner the other night and had an amicable meal for the first time ever. Wtf is this timeline?

TLDR: My boyfriend suffered from cardiac arrest, died for 20 minutes, was revived several times. I helped save his life and now I’m coping with the aftermath of the trauma and watching him still fight for his life in the ICU.