Heavy s******l ideation, I have given up mentally

I have been bedridden for a year with extremely debilitating fatigue. I went from working 2 jobs and living in my own one bedroom apartment to getting evicted, losing both jobs, and going into debt because my fatigue and exhaustion makes it impossible to work.

I’ve ran hundred’s of test with no answers. Whenever we think we know what it is we treat for that and I don’t feel any better. I spend 24/7 and it is eating away at me mentally. I was planning to delete myself in Oct 2024 but I wanted to give it just a bit more to see if I can see a change. My last hope was seeing if my condition stemmed from mold toxicity. I got my test back and it shows elevated signs of mold in my system. I didn’t feel relieved at all seeing that because I’ve been through the same cycle of thinking it’s one thing, treating it and not getting any better. I fear it’ll be the same exact thing with this mold. I’m going to treat for it but I’m so miserable and running on E. I’ve been running on E for a couple months now. If I treat for it and don’t get better it’ll truly break me.

I know people have it worse but I never used to admit it but I think I already had severe depression. I was able to subdue it by working 2 jobs, working out regularly, and participating in a lot of hobbies. Now that I’m bedridden and spend 24/7 in a room alone there’s nothing to subdue my mind. I find comfort in knowing I have the ability to bring it to an end.